tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4487794295968551833.post2591760042271714134..comments2023-04-11T05:42:23.501-04:00Comments on Burdens Made Light: Do you have any kids?Shelleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15181449769725293139noreply@blogger.comBlogger14125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4487794295968551833.post-15004452332675166592012-02-06T23:36:41.852-05:002012-02-06T23:36:41.852-05:00Thanks Jenny. I most definitely need an invite to ...Thanks Jenny. I most definitely need an invite to your blog! Especially since I won't be at book club after April.Shelleyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15181449769725293139noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4487794295968551833.post-42346852519978569702012-02-06T23:34:43.667-05:002012-02-06T23:34:43.667-05:00So glad that you and your baby are still doing wel...So glad that you and your baby are still doing well. It's true, there is comfort to be found in God's will when we know we are doing everything that we can and that is right. What faith you, too, exemplify. <br /><br />I love that you always comment. I write because it's an outlet for me, but it's also nice to hear others' responses to my ramblings!Shelleyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15181449769725293139noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4487794295968551833.post-32385097305181037052012-02-06T23:27:17.137-05:002012-02-06T23:27:17.137-05:00First off, my heart goes out to you for your loss....First off, my heart goes out to you for your loss. <br /><br />I like your conclusion on being more aware of really communicating with people vs "just small talk." It makes me think a little more on connections with people. <br /><br />Glad you like Genn's hair. Let me know if you ever need a cut. :-)Shelleyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15181449769725293139noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4487794295968551833.post-33468991541927111032012-02-06T23:22:22.555-05:002012-02-06T23:22:22.555-05:00I think sometimes it's hard to know what quest...I think sometimes it's hard to know what questions may or may not be sensitive depending on the situation. I like what Amy says in the next comment about asking to really know and care instead of for just "small talk." But not asking definitely leaves you on the safe side! <br /><br />I think, for me, people's intent makes all the difference...maybe I'll write more on that later.Shelleyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15181449769725293139noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4487794295968551833.post-6049761866784350892012-02-05T00:32:34.843-05:002012-02-05T00:32:34.843-05:00Shelley, you're sweet. I love reading your tho...Shelley, you're sweet. I love reading your thoughts on this blog. You're a great example to me and I just love you to pieces!Jennyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00053266084976239453noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4487794295968551833.post-91186102281764058012012-02-03T19:31:24.326-05:002012-02-03T19:31:24.326-05:00Shelley, I think I can understand to some extent y...Shelley, I think I can understand to some extent your frustration and confusion as to how to tell people things. A friend of mine lost her twins at 26 weeks during her pregnancy, and I had a hard time telling her I was pregnant, feeling that she would be sad, or reminded of her loss, or that she would take it the wrong way. But she was happy for me. I don't know how, but somehow she was able to compartmentalize her grief and still be happy for me. <br /><br />As for making people feel scared that they might lose their baby/babies? I may be weird, but I have had that fear all the time. I have a sister-in-law and another friend who's babies only lived a few minutes. I have friends who miscarried, you who gave birth to Luke stillborn, a friend whose baby died of SIDS when he was 7 months... I think anyone who has educated themselves on birth knows the risk, and it doesn't go away after they're born. I have come to deal with it, knowing that whatever happens, as long as I am doing my best to live the way I should and take care of myself and my children (unborn and living), will be God's will. I had an episode a week or so ago, thinking of you and Luke and nearly hyperventilating, thinking I needed to insist that I get an ultrasound to make sure that nothing happened like with Luke. But, I remember praying, and telling the Lord that I knew I was probably just freaking out, and if I needed to have an ultrasound, to bring it to mind to me when I was at the doctor's the next week. It didn't come to mind. God is watching over us. He loves us. And though we do not always completely understand what happens to us, God sees all. I am so grateful for the example you set for me. I love and miss you and hope that sometime you'll be able to not have such a hard time answering that question. I love youJenni Rollinshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07646665698074506727noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4487794295968551833.post-71458229191235196792012-02-03T14:39:57.702-05:002012-02-03T14:39:57.702-05:00:-) You're nice to say I'm not awkward...s...:-) You're nice to say I'm not awkward...some times I really can be! I like what Sarah says too. I've thought about a response like that - it just hasn't ever been the words that come to mind in the moment.Shelleyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15181449769725293139noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4487794295968551833.post-59634393792379143582012-02-03T11:09:03.489-05:002012-02-03T11:09:03.489-05:00Shelley,
Thank you for sharing your thoughts, ev...Shelley, <br /> Thank you for sharing your thoughts, even though it is difficult. My heart just breaks when I think of your story! I have had a similar, though not really comparable, story when I miscarried at 11 weeks. People would ask me if I was pregnant and I'd have to in reality say "yes, but the baby is dead?" It was so uncomfortable - what should I say? I've learned in those times God can give you what to say. I think you are doing a great job answering the questions others ask you! Don't let yourself think to long on what they may think. You don't have to divulge everything to be honest. <br /> On the other side (as the person doing the asking), it makes me think twice about questions I ask people - do I really care about them and to hear the answers? Am I prepared to be sensitive to any situation? or am I "just making small talk?". It makes me want to be much more sincere. <br /> Gen's hair looks awesome by the way :) You have such a talent!Austin and Amy Smithhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01174280477389436486noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4487794295968551833.post-6151100939467259992012-02-03T10:27:04.287-05:002012-02-03T10:27:04.287-05:00I make a point not to ask people personal or sensi...I make a point not to ask people personal or sensitive questions. I wait for them to tell me. This goes for: are you married, what church do you attend, do you have any children, do you work outside the home, what is your background... I just don't ask unless someone asks me first and then I know it's okay to proceed.<br /><br />A dear friend of mine suffers from pretty serious infertility. The sweet women in her ward are always asking her if she is going to start a family. Of course she is/wants to. I pretty much always believe a married couple wants to have a family, especially in our Church (maybe that's a generalization.) So I just don't ask. Same goes for single people and marriage. I just don't ask it.Creole Wisdomhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07832438200919313556noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4487794295968551833.post-3046094591962110122012-02-03T10:00:41.553-05:002012-02-03T10:00:41.553-05:00Shelley, this is beautiful, as always. jWhile I do...Shelley, this is beautiful, as always. jWhile I don't understand the intricacies of your specific situation, I can feel your frustration, your sadness, your longing, and the awkwardness you're experiencing through your writing. When we were trying for months to get pregnant (not nearly as long as some, I know) people would ask when we wanted to have children. Most times I could just say "hopefully soon, we'll see." On one particular occasion I just burst into tears, leaving everyone in the room feeling awkward. At the end of it all, I realize that you can only do what you can in the moment and accept your answers as genuine for the time. Again, it's not at all the same situation and I'll not even try to compare, but I love how you are so genuine in those moments while still (selflessly) caring for others' feelings. What a remarkable example you are.Amyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02057320365645931085noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4487794295968551833.post-90319487896495646592012-02-03T02:03:46.939-05:002012-02-03T02:03:46.939-05:00I like what your friend Sarah says. I think that ...I like what your friend Sarah says. I think that makes it less awkward. You could always just say, "Yes, I have a son, but he lives in heaven now." I'm sure it will become less awkward as time passes, but I just figured if I was the girl making small talk, that would be plenty of info without sounding awkward. You're not an awkward person though Shelley. I'm sure people already feel that from you. :)Ligiahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18421627214001434421noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4487794295968551833.post-53835875840356565532012-02-03T01:15:01.519-05:002012-02-03T01:15:01.519-05:00I like how the Parrys say that they have a sister,...I like how the Parrys say that they have a sister, but she is in heaven. She is always mentioned as part of their family.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02496184925937159537noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4487794295968551833.post-60666243651347580682012-02-03T00:40:56.209-05:002012-02-03T00:40:56.209-05:00That reminds me of the song/music video, Beautiful...That reminds me of the song/music video, Beautiful Heartbreak, by Hilary Weeks which I posted about a while ago http://blog.trevorandshelley.com/2011/10/i-am-face.html -everyone has a sign summarizing his or her trial or grief. Wouldn't that make things a little more clear...?Shelleyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15181449769725293139noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4487794295968551833.post-61023987352050009702012-02-03T00:28:50.728-05:002012-02-03T00:28:50.728-05:00I have yet to answer this question. I never want ...I have yet to answer this question. I never want to deny Isaac and Porter's existence but I don't know how I will acknowledge it without over sharing with random people and making them feel awkward. Sometimes I wish I had a shirt or a button that says, "mother to dead babies" and then no one would ask.Jacob and Kimberly Palmerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16759614218497107233noreply@blogger.com