Wednesday, September 14, 2011

No One To Blame

I have taken the time over the past week to write some more about my experience and thoughts that I've had. I thought I'd post this one today. It's not too long (unlike some of my other writings), but you should be prepared with a kleenex or two if you watch the video!

This post was written once and then accidentally deleted. I hate trying to revive already written words. Sometimes I love technology and other times I think it is my nemesis!


Something that I am so grateful for is to know what caused Luke's death. It was apparent as soon as he was born that his umbilical chord was in a knot. I am so glad that I was never faced with the decision of having to decide between harming his perfect little body for an autopsy vs not knowing why he died. I don't know what I would have decided. I think the Lord knew that I couldn't have made that decision and allowed us to know what caused his death.

Thank you, Lord. 

The other fact concerning Luke's death that I am grateful for is that there is no one to blame. His death wasn't anyone's fault. It wasn't my fault. It wasn't a doctors fault. Nothing could have been done to prevent what they call a "chord accident."* It was out of everyone's control and I am grateful for that. I think that the death of a loved one would be so much harder to deal with if someone else had caused it. I think of the story of this man that lost his wife and children because of a drunk driver. I can't imagine how hard it must be to rely on the Lord for strength to heal and forgive.  

His ability to forgive amazes me. Would I be able to forgive like that? I don't know. I would hope so, but I am grateful that that is not a challenge that I have been asked to face. 

*In my brief online research since Luke's death I've learned that umbilical chord problems are not usually detected with a regular ultrasound. There are special ultrasounds (I don't remember what it was called exactly) that only some doctors use to look for problems and usually only in pregnancies with multiples (since chord accidents are more likely to occur with several babies in the uterus). 


  1. i admire your strength, shelley. i, too, don't know whether or not i could forgive like that man in the video, but i'm happy to see that you are moving forward. :) i love you!

  2. Shelley, my heart is full of love and admiration for you. I am so sorry that you've had to go through this. I have prayed for you and Trevor every day since I heard the news about little Luke and I hope that you can feel my love from far away. But mostly I'm grateful that Heavenly Father sends His love. You're incredible.

  3. Shell Friend, I love you! You are an amazingly strong woman. I pray for you and Trevor everyday. Love you both!

  4. You are so amazing. We love you guys.