16 Months

While doing some Christmas shopping I had to take a break to nurse and change Jeremy. While I was in the nice mother's lounge in the department store many people came and went. Older women, grandmothers, and even young mothers like myself. Just as we were finishing up a young mother came in with her daughter. She was a cute little girl. As she laid her down to change her diaper the two of them smiled at each other and practiced words. "Bocas," the mom said as she pointed to her lips and her daughter repeated the words. "Ojos," the little girl said smiling as she pointed to her own eyes.

"Bebe? Do you see the bebe?" The daughter says "bebe" as she sits in her stroller looking over at us. The mother and I begin to engage in conversation. "How old is he?"

"6 weeks," I reply. "How old is your daughter?"

"15 months."

"She's adorable." And I finish packing up our belongings with tears in my eyes.

*****

I have friends who had babies the same time Luke was born. I have watched them grow, but only through pictures since we've moved. I knew they were growing in size, but I hadn't consciously considered the developmental milestones they're moving through.

Talking.

Luke would be talking.

It broke my heart to be missing out on that.

Yes, I know that Jeremy will talk one day. But there I was, tears in my eyes, my heart so grateful to have Jeremy in my arms and with me, but hurting for the experiences that I'm not having with Luke.

I miss him. And even though I know it wasn't his time to be with our family and that I will get to raise him one day it was hard knowing I don't have that now.

Miss you, little guy!