5 Months

I gave birth to Luke five months ago. Again, I ask myself, has it been that long? I realize that five months is just shy of half a year. That seems like a long time. Stuff that happened then is old news . . . is history. Yet, Luke's birth is more than history. It's more than a story of the past. It's a daily story that continues and evolves and changes. It's a story that is written in my heart. 

On Wednesday of this week I was able to hold a baby at book club that was born shortly after Luke was born. It was incredible to see how big he was already! This baby could already stand up as I held him. What a big (and handsome) little boy! 

In contrast, on Thursday, I meet my friend's newborn baby. She was born weighing 8lbs 11ozs just over a week ago. She seemed so tiny, I couldn't believe it. I tried to remember back to holding Luke. He weighed 7lbs, yet he didn't seem that small. 

I told Trevor I thought it was strange how small my friend's baby girl seemed to me. He said that maybe Luke is growing up in my mind. With a little contemplation I agreed. Yeah, I guess he is. I don't know that I always think of Luke as the infant that he was, but I do think of him in connection with the other babies that were born in August. I think of him being that age. 

Strange that they're just thoughts. Perhaps a vision of what's yet to come. I know I'll get my chance to raise my son. I know I'll experience the joy of seeing him grow. Then we can celebrate real milestones in his life. His first   time rolling over, sitting up on his own, or even his first tooth. One day it won't be anniversaries of the day I gave birth to him, but one day it will be days of celebration, recognition, and achievement. 

Luke, for now I celebrate your existence. The fact that you lived, even if for a brief nine months in my womb, and the fact that you are mine forever! I am grateful every day for that.  Luke, I love you with all my aching heart. Love, your mommy.