Crying over Clothes

Trevor and I were able to go to Salt Lake the other weekend to attend a session of General Conference. It truly was such a blessing to be there and be in the presence of the leaders of our church and surrounded by so many faithful members.

We found a lucky parking spot on the street right in front of the new City Creek shopping center. Trevor brought his bike and rode it back to Sandy and I was going to drive home. Seeing that we were parked right in front of H&M, I couldn't resist wandering in. I don't need any clothes and it's not in our budget to shop for any right now, but I couldn't turn down just looking. I decided to look at the baby section because my best friend is having a girl and it couldn't hurt to start doing some shopping for her.

Who would have guessed that my little shopping adventure would leave me in the back of the store crying over clothes? I sure didn't see that coming. Being there took me back to being in H&M last May.

We were in San Francisco for a little vacation with some friends. I was about 6 months pregnant with Luke at the time. My friend Lizzy and I spent our days sight-seeing and shopping while our husbands were at the Google IO Conference. We spent a few happy hours shopping in H&M. I spent my time shopping for clothes that would fit my growing, pregnant body; clothes that would be good to wear while nursing; and browsing through baby clothes that I might like to buy.

And now I stood looking at handsome little boy clothes that I was only wishing that I was buying for my own son. How I wished it was different. It broke my heart to be there imagining what might have been, yet living my reality of not having my little Luke with me. It broke my heart to think back to my blissful memories being pregnant with Luke, while standing there alone in the store without him.