Friday, October 28, 2011

I Am The Face

You may have noticed the button I added to my side bar.  I came across this website/foundation recently. The goal of I Am The Face is to spread awareness of pregnancy/infancy loss and raise support for those who are affected by it. 

They have a page about Myths Vs Truths concerning infant & pregnancy loss. I particularly related to following Myth Vs Truth:

Myth: A woman who has just lost a baby wants to forget it ever happened and move on with her life.

Truth: While this may be true for some, many are dying to talk about the child they lost, especially if it was a late-term pregnancy loss or infant loss. The chance to talk freely about their baby(ies), without feeling like they are making everyone uncomfortable, is something many, many women who have lost a baby wish for. 

It's true. I want to talk about Luke. I want people to know that I have a baby boy that I love. I want people to know that I am at peace with our situation. I want people to know that I know this is God's Will.

It's strange though --going through life in my day-to-day business. People don't know. The cashier in Provo probably thinks I'm just like any other college student running errands. But I'm not. I've been through a lot. I've given birth. I've buried a child. I'm not that same, young college student that I was years or even months ago. 

I wish people knew.

I know I'm not the only one that has faced trials that have forced me to grow in ways I never thought imaginable. Since Luke's death, people have shared about how they too have lost a child, a father, a mother, a brother. My heart literally changes towards these people when they share this part of their lives with me that I had no idea about. 

My sister-in-law, Maryanne, shared this video with me. During part of the video people are holding signs describing their trials. In my surreal life of wishing people knew what I've really been through, I had recently thought, what if people had signs above their heads informing you about their challenges, heartaches, and griefs. I found it interesting that this video does just that.  

I recommend watching the video a second time with your eyes closed so you can really hear the beautiful message of the song. I couldn't take it all in the first time around! 

I know not everyone may want others to know about the pain that they experience. For me, it eases my burden to know that others share in my tears and in my prayers. I am grateful that you have taken the time to show interest in my life, my journey, and my Luke.


  1. For a couple years I was very afraid to talk about placing my baby for adoption until I knew & truly trusted someone. Our trials and experiences can be so precious that we don't want them to be judged or misunderstood and I was afraid of that. I know that sharing and being able to talk about my pain & journey brings me happiness and can help others.
    I too felt the same way...I wanted people to know that I was a mother and not just another 21 yr old at the singles ward! My comfort was that God knew who I was and so did I.
    I love that video.

  2. Thanks for sharing, Janessa. I think that's a good point about not wanting to be judged or misunderstood. Immediately after we discovered Luke was no longer living, I was hesitant to tell some of my friends and family, because I felt like I was going to be judged. Perhaps I'll share more on that later...

  3. Thanks, Shelley. And I think most people have been through more than we realize. Just so you know: I'm here for you to talk with anytime =)

  4. Shelley... I haven't seen you in forever, but I heard the news a couple months ago. I want you to know that I have prayed for you and your family since. Your baby and your little family is beautiful. We are so lucky that we have the plan or salvation and the knowledge that we do. You are truly amazing!

  5. Thanks Jenni! And it's true, I really believe that everyone has a story and it's probably more than anyone could imagine.

    Lindsey, it's has been forever! Thank you for your prayers. I am continually amazed at how many people have prayed for us. It means the world to me.

    Hugs to you Katie!

  6. shelley, that video was beautiful!
    with my own recent struggles, i too have thought a lot about how i live my every day life and no one understands what i'm going through. and that leads me to thinking that that is probably the same for everyone. humans are capable of so much emotion but able to hide it all at the same time. i appreciate you sharing your story. you are a positive influence on so many people. your strength is incredible. shelley, i KNOW that you have impacted my life in a bigger way than you will ever understand, and with your blog and opening up about your hardships, i have no doubts when i say that i'm sure you are continuing to have a positive impact on someone's life every day. i love you!

  7. If everyone had signs above their heads sharing their individual heartbreaks, I'd be in tears all of the time. For real.

  8. Thank you Sarah. I am glad that my musings on life (particularly my own) have been influential.

    Rachael, I would make sure you had lots of tissues.