Sunday, November 13, 2011

It's Not Fair

Tonight as I thought about my baby I felt like things just aren't fair.

I went through nine months of pregnancy and labor and delivery and I still don't know how to hold a newborn. I don't know how to not be awkward with a new baby. I don't know how to hold them, swaddle them, or rock them to sleep. I don't know how to breastfeed. I don't know how to do such simple things that become so second nature to moms.

I'm a mom, but I don't have those skills.

It doesn't feel fair.

Tears filled my eyes as I dwelt on these thoughts.

It's not fair. It's not fair that my only memories with my baby are the 15 hours after delivery, many of which I was sleeping and recovering. It's not fair that I don't get to hold him. It's not fair that I don't get to be with him.


"The Atonement will not only help us overcome our transgressions and mistakes, but in His time, it will resolve all inequities of life--those things that are unfair which are the consequences of circumstance ... and not our own decisions." (Richard G. Scott, Jesus Christ, Our Redeemer, 1997


  1. Shelley, you have a beautiful family. We've never met, but I, like you, am an angel mommy. Luke is a darling little boy. It makes me so sad to see that you have to endure the pain that you're feeling. But I'm so glad you have a testimony of the Atonement and that it's not just for's for broken hearts too. Contact me ANY time you need an understanding heart to cry to. Whitney Lytle, 209-914-8104. Much love!

  2. I agree that some things in life aren't fair - especially the ordeal with your baby boy. It's nice to know that your baby will get to grow up without this scary world around him, but at the same time I can't imagine how hard it must be to have to wait so long. As for the little things mothers do that you don't know how? Some of them are painful, awkward, and not so second nature, even when you are the mother and doing them - don't worry. I love you, and know your Luke does as well. Much love.