Knowing Luke is ours for the eternities brings so much comfort to me. I love knowing he will always be a part of our family. I love knowing that one day I will get to raise him. Without these truths I think I would be lost.
Even with this knowledge which brings joy and peace I still experience pain.
Tears watered my checks as I sat in church yesterday. Seeing the cute smiling baby in the pew in front of me and being surrounded with loving families, I couldn't help missing my son. I couldn't help wishing I was living out my dream to mother my own children. I couldn't help feeling the pain of having to wait to be with my son. I couldn't help feeling the pain of having to wait at least another 9 months to hold a baby of my own in my arms.
There is so much hope and joy for our future, but it doesn't remove the pain I experience.
Elder Hales shares the following quote about the pains that we experience:
"Elder Orson F. Whitney wrote: 'No pain that we suffer, no trial that we experience is wasted. It ministers to our education, to the development of such qualities as patience, faith, fortitude and humility. All that we suffer and all that we endure, especially when we endure it patiently, builds up our characters, purifies our hearts, expands our souls, and makes us more tender and charitable, more worthy to be called the children of God, ...and it is through sorrow and suffering, toil and tribulation, that we gain the education that we came here to acquire" (quoted in Improvement Era, Mar. 1966, 211)." (Robert D. Hales, Healing Soul and Body, Oct. 1998)
Shelley, I love this quote from Elder Hales, and I am so glad that you are willing to share these little pieces of your life here. One year ago my perfect little nephew who was one month old passed away. Even though he was not my child, and we knew he would not be with us very long, I still have hard days more often than I think I should. I look at my baby who is just a little younger than his cousin would have been and I just wish they could be together now. Your testimonies and faith, believe it or not, strengthen me. Thank you so much.
ReplyDeleteYou're welcome "Tishka." I'm sure it must be hard to see your baby grow and wish his cousin could be a part of it. How glorious it will be when you can be with him again!
ReplyDeleteI am sure there are many good days among the bad in your future, but thanks for sharing your feelings and giving us all inspiration on how to endure trials with faith in our hearts.
ReplyDeleteI love this quote so much, and it applies to so many situations and individuals. I am going to pass this message along too!
I have done this myself. It was on Mothers day at church. I just started balling hearing all the talks about mothers and seeing the smiling babies. Sometimes the pain, is just too overwhelming. You are amazing. Love you girl!
ReplyDeleteIt is amazing to think that the testimony you have helps you, even if the pain can still be unbearable at times. I am so grateful that you will never have to endure that pain without the comforting knowledge of the Plan of Happiness. I don't know how people can survive with that desperation of thinking their baby is lost to them. Love you Shelley. And thanks for your testimony.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing Shelley. I was visiting Callie and her bishop's wife was having a hard day for the same reasons you were. I just had to go over and hug her and truthfully -- it was because I was thinking of the things you write on your blog (so I had the courage to go over even though I don't really know her). It's been a year and a half for her and it's still really hard. Thank you for sharing so we can all learn! Hopefully I was able to help her even a tiny bit.
ReplyDeleteOh sorry I should have mentioned this is Leticia :) My "blogger" name is not too obvious.
ReplyDeleteKatie, I'm sure you understand how this is. Kim, I am grateful that you were able to offer sympathies. A few kind words or a hug can mean the world to someone. I know it is a blessing to be able to read the kind words from each of you. Thank you.
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