When I arrived at Walmart at 4:30 am on Monday morning (March 5, 2012) to purchase the pregnancy test to confirm my suspicions, I was so giddy and excited. When most women would purchase this item and be out of the store before the store greeter could even say "Welcome to Walmart," I stopped as soon as I spotted flowers and took my time to select the perfect ones to take to Luke.
Being delayed like this felt a little strange to me. I was there for a mission! I wanted desperately to know if I was actually pregnant. It's almost like time and my excited emotions stood still for me as I paused and took the time to think about Luke. My heart longed for him as much as ever and the anticipation of the prospect of another child couldn't take that away. I did what I always do, and methodically poured over all of the different bouquets. It wasn't a quick, hurried gesture that I was trying to do so I could get on with things. It was the same thoughtful, heartfelt searching for the perfect flowers for my son's grave.
I am grateful that I am able to continue to experience and feel my love for Luke at the same time that I begin to feel love for this new life. I am sure that this is something that anyone with more than one child could understand. It's just a bit different for me because my son dwells in heaven, yet the distinct love for them as individuals is the same.