It's been nine months since the day I gave birth to Luke. I know some moms find this day particularly hard. I guess one might consider this a difficult crux because the time after the loss is now longer than the time with the child. I suppose that's a strange reality to swallow--to feel like those precious months are being passed on by the days and months that just keep rolling forward. I guess it's strange to feel like those glorious months with your child are being swallowed up by the empty-handed days that seem to keep pressing on.
I guess some find it hard to know that now they've been without their child longer than they were with their baby.
But I guess I don't see it quite that way.
Yes, time now will forever be greater than the actual time I had with Luke; however, my reality is not this time "without" him subtracted from the time that he was here which would leave me with a negative equation. It can't be done that way, because these days aren't truly without him. In a way I feel like I've been just as much with Luke the past nine months as I had the previous nine--he has been in my thoughts, in my prayers, in my heart, in my conversation. He may not really be here--with me--in my arms, but he is here more than ever. And with each passing day it won't be a day that diminishes the short time that I had with him, but it will be another day that Luke is still my son and still a part of my life. Each day will be added upon and I truly believe my love for him will continue to grow. Also with each day it will be a day closer to when I finally get to meet him. And what a joy that is!
I love you, my sweet son.