11 Months

Often times when I am able to talk to people about you and about your short life they ask, "when did that happen?"

"Just last August," I reply.

"Oh!" they usually say with surprise, "so that was pretty recent."I think in other's mind the recentness of the event makes it a bigger deal. Perhaps to them it is because it is so fresh. I feel like perhaps I get a little more acknowledgement of what I've been through, just because of how recent it occurred. It won't be long though that I'll have to change my response. 

"Luke's birth was August of two thousand and eleven."

Another month will pass and to others it will seem more and more like just a part of history--something that occurred in the past. But oh how it continues to affect me every day of my life.

Some days it's still hard to see other people's babies growing -their cute, smiling, giggling, cooing, crawling babies. I can't help to think, that's about how big Luke would be or those are milestones that Luke would be reaching. I sigh and smile to myself as I take the time to think about my first son and then press forward with the rest of life.

The clock continues to tick and time presses forward and I continue to learn what life is like after the loss of a child. What life is like to have a pregnancy that doesn't result in bringing a baby home. What life is like to be pregnant again after the loss of your first. No clock or calendar could depict all of the many things that seem to have taken effect in my life because of what happened 11 months ago, nevertheless the calendar moves on and the dates hold some sort of marker as to when something momentous occurred in spite of its inability to show what really is still occurring.