Monday, July 2, 2012

Painful Words to Hear

Yesterday was a hard day for me. It seems like I've been having a lot of those lately. Hard days.

I don't really feel like my self. Little things that go wrong really frustrate me. Usually I am a little bit more resilient, patient, understanding, and optimistic. On Sunday I wasn't sure if I had any of those attributes right now. I realized, aside from being hypersensitive and emotional because I'm a pregnant woman, this negativity could be associated to my hpothyroidism and it's time to have my blood drawn and my levels checked ASAP. I'll be doing that as soon as possible and hope that's what my issue is.

Nevertheless, the last hour of church was pretty much spent with tears streaming from my eyes and my nose dripping like a faucet (more on that later). After church was over I stayed in the RS room writing in my journal, kind of debriefing from my personal (yet public) pondering and crying session.

Trevor came to find me and offered to help a guy move a TV which had been used to watch a video clip during the lesson out of the room when I heard the following conversation about going to see the 4th of July fireworks in DC.

"The crowds are crazy but it would be a good thing to go do since you don't have any kids."

That stung. Those words pricked me so deep.

I hate that all the people here don't know. I hate that they don't really know what our life has entailed over the past (almost) year. I hate feeling like such a big part of my life is unknown to so many people. I hate feeling like I have insights to share when we're discussing the Gospel of Jesus Christ, but I don't know how to make my comments without giving the necessary and potentially lengthy back story of how I've come to know personally the pain of death, the peace that comes from turning to Christ in time of need, the glorious strength that comes from trusting in the resurrection.

I hate that we appear to be just another young couple without any kids.

That's not us.

We may not be bringing any children with us to the 4th of July fireworks, but it doesn't mean that we don't have any children.

1 comment:

  1. That has got to be one of the harder things about adjusting to living in a new place, that no one knows. Especially when it comes to people asking if you have children. All I can wish is that you'll be able to make some new friends in Virginia who can love and support you. Who knows, there may be more angel mommies around you. Lots and lots of love.